Movie Review: Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Stupidity

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

God Vs Man.

Light Vs Dark.

Son of Krypton vs “Bat” of Gotham.

Do you know what the oldest line in America Is? I don't know but Lex Luthor believes he knows all of them. Who wrote this script? Why does he keep using the same intro to his analogies? SERENITY NOW!

This film attempts the impossible. A Man of Steel sequel, Batman origins story, Wonder Woman kick off, Death of Superman story, and JLA lead in. Holy crap. 153 minutes of awkward silences and failed attempts, to explain it all. I am not saying there was no good in this film, but come on people. It is alittle much. I am scared of what the Rated R release will be like.

I am not a hater whatsoever when it comes to comic book movies, but I expected this to be the number 2 movie(Civil War being number 1) of the year. It honestly feels like this will be one of the worst films of the year. Understanding this film has made a ton of money in 2 days, but also has received a ton of bad reviews from critics and viewers who had a sneak peek.

One of the major concerns brought forward was that this film was way too long.I am forced to agree. I understand what Zack Snyder was attempting to do, but I felt that he failed at delivering one of the easiest and widely known storylines to exist in DC. And it hurt me even more, it was my favorite story. It is pretty bad that DC Animated did a far better job in delivering the story than WB/Snyder. What I found absolutely sickening is that they advertised the Batman Vs Superman battle as the main draw for an audience, just to find out it was merely secondary in the grand scheme of things.

Here is a quick run down on my impressions of the characters:

Batman - Ben Affleck:

Pros - Nailed. The biggest worry by the audience since the Batman/Superman was announced, ended up being the best part of the film. Ben Affleck portrays the Dark Knight Version Batman to a tee. Regardless on how this this film does, the Batman solo flick will be amazing

Cons - None. How shocking is that?

Superman - Henry Cavill:

Pros - The only good part about Henry Cavill’s Superman is that we finally see his powers showcased as an extremely larger scale. I did not mind Man of Steel but it wasn't a blockbuster. Explains why the sequel did not happen and this was made instead. His “performance” as Superman made me watch to watch Quest for Peace again.

Cons - It’s like his character is that little child that had his candy taken away from him. Always crying about something and always kicking his feet.  

Alfred Pennyworth - Jeremy Irons:

Pros - A very good stern but comedic version of the beloved butler, Alfred Pennyworth. I honestly was completely blown away how awesome he played.

Cons - None.

Lex Luthor - Jesse Eisenberg:

Pros - Shaved his head at the end of the film.

Cons - Everything. Voice, mannerism, storyline… Seriously. Whenever he started to speak, I cringed. Who wrote this character? I understand that they were probably trying to make him relate to the current generation of the audience but they failed miserably. Luthor is a powerful and controlled character. Not in this film.

Wonder Woman - Gal Gadot:

Pros - I expected little from Gal because I was not sold on her being WonderWoman. I was pulling for Jamie Alexander when the casting started. But now after seeing her on the big screen, you madame, have humbled me.

Cons - None really. There was some flaws on the character use, but that had nothing to do with Gal at all.

Flash - Ezra Miller, Aquaman - Jason Mamoa, Ray Fisher - Cyborg, Michael Cassidy - Jimmy Olsen, Jenna Malone - Barbara Gordon:

Pros - Jason Mamoa looked badass.That’s all. And yes, I could be saying that because the man scares the living crap out of me.

Cons - Do we honestly needed these people? No. But Zack Snyder needed to justify a JLA movie. So he decides to give Flash, Aquaman Cyborg 5 second origin stories that no one needed to see. Did you know Jimmy Olsen was in the film? He wasn't even mentioned but he was killed. What the the hell?

I borrowed some of these questions from an article written on Hitflix by Donna Dickens. Amazing article, check it out after this. http://www.hitfix.com/harpy/W8XW8lt7eUSHbkd9.01

Why did we need to see Batman’s parents die again?

Agreed. We do not need to see an origins story. This has been overdone so much that I am sure everyone understands the story very well by now.

Is Batman a warlock?

Apparently, he can float up to the sky in his dream sequences with Bats. That was just weird. Who even wrote that?

Did you even notice they killed Jimmy Olsen?

I did. And what in the blue hell? Did they run out of budget to pay this character and decided to kill him quick. Apparently no room in the universe. Le sigh.

What happened in that desert?

I am guess it is the post apocalyptic world of the Injustice storyline. Also, this is a Darkseid lead in. At least we know who the main villain for JLA will be.

How quickly can you form a Congressional hearing?

LOL it takes weeks if not months for congressional hearings for major world events. But not in this universe.

Who designed that Metropolis memorial?

Apparently this was inspired and shot at the 9/11 memorial in New York. Is that bad taste?

Explain yourself, Lex Luthor.

It’s like he did tons of Crystal Meth and had a ton of money to burn. Luthor is a powerful and controlled character. Not this version.

Why is nobody calling Batman “Batman”?

Is there a copyright issue we do not know about? I won’t lie but referring to Batman as “The Bat” or “The Bat of Gotham” was outright dumb.

Shouldn’t Superman be worried about what happened to the remains of Zod?

I would be! I would wonder where my arch nemesis(who almost defeated me) body. Wouldn't you? Especially since humans have a running track records of tampering with things they shouldn't.

Explain yourself, Kryptonian ship.

This ship has the intelligence of a hollowed out potato. Either Lex Luthor is a smooth talker(well, this version was clearly not) or the ship had a stroke. The logic clearly failed the ship and created Doomsday, knowing it was a bad idea. Bad ship, Bad.

What is this huge abandoned district in Gotham?

Maybe it was the narrows. But I recall people living in them. But not today. Also, I didn’t realize that Gotham and Metropolis were so close together. Odd.

Who thought Batman would change his mind about Superman that easily?

Apparently Martha is the “safe word.” Dirty.

Does Superman have some sort of tracking beacon on Lois?

“Aliens.” That is the answer. We could split hairs of super hearing and blah blah but it was super predictable. Wish Jimmy Olsen had a heads up. Get it?

How did Lois know about the spear?

I am sure there was a scene that was cut out of the film that would explain this. Either way,  I am pretty sure she isn't psychic. Not intelligent in this film anyways.

Final Thoughts:

All in all, go see the film. You need to experience and make judgement for yourself. It is very hard to “divorce” myself from the comics because of what Zack Snyder did. He knew it would piss everyone off and still did it. This needed to be the flagship for the new DCU in film, not be the “Titanic.”

Remember the time you thought Affleck would be horrible as Batman? M. Night Shyamalan plot twist! Batfleck was the best part of this entire film. And I am excited to see his installment as the Batman as he is directing it!

Also Snyder..

You had Cranston as Luthor. WHY? WHY? WHY DID YOU PASS ON HIM? WHY?!

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